Back to: The Schekkerman homepage > Jopie's homepage > Amber > Diaries

AMBER
Boadice’s diary,
Session 85
Played on February the 5th, 1999
Written by Jopie Schekkerman, based on a campaign by Astrid Tops.

Arguments

    don’t know what woke me up: the baby crying or the pain in my breasts. Apparently we did take the time to shapeshift me into a wet-nurse for Gran’s daughter. My boobs seemed larger than they used to be, and they hurt. There was an obvious solution to both the crying and the pain. Now, how did that breastfeeding go…

Fortunately, the baby seemed to know. I took it on my arm as I had seen on countless paintings, bared my breast and the little bugger opened her mouth wide and chowed down. Ouch! This was uncomfortable! The frog wasn’t sucking, she was opening and closing her mouth around my entire nipple, swallowing with every third ‘bite’ or so. So that’s why babies don’t have teeth. After a minute, the discomfort went away and it was just the two of us, cosy and together. Breastfeeding did feel a little weird, though. Not erotic at all, which was a first for my breasts and me. When one breast felt like it was almost empty, we switched sides. Same thing: a bit of discomfort, then contentment. Being a surrogate mom was going to be a doddle.

I cast my mind back to yesterday. Yes, I did allow Gran’s grandfather to shapeshift me. The old Chaosite knew an incredible amount about sorcery and shape shifting. It was a pity he was too old and feeble to use it. But even with his knowledge we had to improvise when we tried to save Trisha and her baby. I don’t think Pattern, Amberite blood and Chaos’ sorcery had ever been combined this way. Trisha died, her body seeping away through the floorboards, but we managed to save her daughter.

I looked down at the baby and hoped our magic and my blood had been enough for her. Even if I was smitten with her, I could not close my eyes to the fact that she was seriously malformed. At the moment she seemed healthy, but what if things on the inside were as crooked as the outside? Little El-- (no, I should not name her yet,) clenched her little green fists and looked at me while she suckled. I was glad I got to feed her; it would give me an excuse to keep seeing her even if I Gran and I broke up. Besides that, Pattern milk (an ugly word!) would help stabilise her and give her extra strength. Children drink in all sorts of traits with mother’s milk.

When it had had enough, I made a ring of cushions on the bed and left her there to take a shower. When I came back she was still awake and fretting. Merciful Unicorn, was it starting already? I rocked the baby but she would not settle down. Luckily, one of the maids who came in to tidy the bathroom knew how to burp her. I thanked her and asked her to bring me my breakfast.

. . . _ . . .

Dressed and fed and with the baby in the crook of my arm, I went to look for the Escallwyns. Escallwyn Ways is a beautiful place. It looks like it’s been grown instead of built. It has organic looking arches and sweeping stairwells in glowing colours, but its corridors are long and winding and if you don’t know the way you can easily get lost. I walked in the direction of the conference rooms, opened the first likely door and walked straight into a meeting.

Not only Thron, Gran and Frewar –the head of the house and his heirs— were there, but also the secondary members of the family and the family’s most important allies. With the secondary members of the family I mean the ones who can’t serve on the Major Council, which are old Grendel Escallwyn and Thron’s brother Illrom. Grandpa Escallwyn stepped down as head of the house Escallwyn in favour of his eldest son and thereby disqualified himself from ruling forever. Illrom is born a man, still considers himself a man but goes through life as a woman because, she says, it’s more fun that way. She is as beautiful as only a man-turned-woman can be. Illea was involved in a scandal involving a chain mail vest, a bowl of whipped cream, two handcuffs, the war monument on the Thelbane main square and the fiancée of one of the daughters of Swayvill. (S)he was stripped of the right to serve in an army or cast a vote in the Councils. Her reaction to this was: “And this is punishment?” but it took her out of the Escallwyn line of succession. In political terms, the house lost of one of its heirs. So even if there are five Escallwyns --no, six-- only three and a little baby would have to be killed to wipe out the house and open up its place in the Major Council.

There were other people I recognised. Next to Frewar sat Alba, head of the Escallwyn armed forces. Her armour was as red as the stone of the table. Most of the heads of the allied minor houses were present, and all looked up as I entered. One face stood out in flowerlike perfection. A young girl whom I did not recognise regarded me, her expression unreadable. Grandpa Escallwyn was in his chaos form and looked like a tired turtle in a coat of armoured plates. He does not often wear this form, but he says he has more stamina when he does. I twitched the blanket so no-one could see my little girls’ green skin and sat down.

Thron welcomed me to the meeting and brought me up to speed. The most important piece of information I had missed was the evidence that Trisha’s murderer had used a trump to enter the ways, and the trump had contained Pattern.
“That points towards Galoria,” I said, “because they have my trumps.”
“It points to a connection with Amberites,” Thron said and added that it was common knowledge that Yaslin had walked the Pattern. I protested that my sister did not know how to make trumps. Had they been able to tell if the trump had been a place trump or a person-trump? They did not know, only that Pattern had been used, probably or possibly in a Trump. It would not be easy to shadow shift into the Ways using Pattern, they thought, that is why they concluded the murderer used a trump.

“What other clues have been found?” I asked.
Alba, who was also head of the house guard, answered.
“As we thought, the crossbow bolt was poisoned. I propose we compare it with the bolts that were used in Sherwyn. If they match we can count this as evidence against the lady Yaslin.”
“It has not been proven that Yaslin was behind that attack,” I insisted, repeating what I had said less than forty hours ago. Unicorn, were they as prejudiced here as in Amber? When you’re in an investigation, the first rule is never to take anything for granted.

I asked how they intended to obtain the bolts that were used on king Monias.
“I intend to ask Galoria’s help,” Thron said. “They took the bolts that killed Monias with them.”
“You know Galoria will ask for Yaslin’s extradition if they know you have her?”
A silence fell.
“This information will, at first, not be shared,” said Thron. “We will have to keep the lady Yaslin available for extradition to the house Chartin.”
“I agree to this,” I lied, “if such a thing proves to be necessary. In the meantime, I propose we hide her well. When I was laid up with loss of blood, I got a trump call from King Adrian. He will have guessed I was in the Ways of Escallwyn. Have you imprisoned my sister in a place that can hide her from Galoria and from Sherwyn?”
“We put her in a trump-protected area—“
“Can she be taken from there with Nexus?”
“We don’t know enough about the Nexus,” Frewar said. “We have not been able to build a defence against it.”
Frewar, the head of the guard and the young girl looked embarrassed.
“Let me put it this way,” I said. “Is she in a place people can guess at?”
“I wouldn’t know,” Frewar said, looking at his fingernails. “Anyone who has seen the inside of our cells will be able to find her.”

Great, so they could loose Yaslin to anyone who at one time had been their enemy. I proposed she was confined outside the Ways of Escallwyn. This was the first place her enemies would look for her. Gran looked uncomfortable. He said:
“Boadice, you understand we can’t just let her go free.”
“I am not suggesting you let her go,” I said, “I am even in favour of you keeping her confined, but this is the first place people will look for her.”
“We will keep this under consideration, Boadice,” Thron said.
I sighed. Galoria would use the Nexus to pull her away. Alexander could make a tractor beam and pull her to him. Adrian would use double Pattern. If the Escallwyns did not hide my sister well, sooner or later someone would take her from them, and I wanted Yaslin to remain here. In a cell she would come to no harm, and I was pretty sure I could prove she had not murdered Trisha.

“What other clues have you found?”
A couple of servants had seen the murderer, and their description was sufficiently vague that it could be applied to Yaslin. Apparently, a masked figure had suddenly appeared, fired a crossbow bolt at Trisha, and ran away. The figure had been hiding in an alcove. Servants had not seen it trump in, but later a power expert had established that Pattern had been used in the area.
“Was Trisha in the habit of passing by that spot at that time of day?”
She was not. And the house Escallwyn did not know if she had had an appointment at that time either.
“Did you check? Did she keep an agenda, did you ask her secretary?”
A servant was dispatched to look into it. A minute later he returned and reported that Trisha had had nothing specific planned for the afternoon she was killed.
“Could the assassin have been waiting for hours in that alcove, waiting for Trisha?”

Everyone looked at the young girl. Apparently she was the Escallwyn power expert. She blushed and stammered.
“I think the use of Pattern happened not very long before the murder. A couple of hours, maybe, but it’s hard to say exactly. I could tell it was Pattern.”
“And then Trisha walked by,” I said, and asked what exactly those servants had seen. They told contradicting, confused stories. The assassin came out of nowhere, fired a crossbow and there was a lot of panic because Trisha started shifting wildly and all attention focused on her. The assassin ran away. Guards were sent to follow but they never found him.
“There were a couple of dead guards in the hall,” I said. “Where did they come from?”
According to Gran they died fighting the assassin.

“How did they die?”
Alba answered this. The guards were stabbed to death. Then the Escallwyns explained, because I am no Chaosite and a stranger to their poisons, that to kill a Chaosite you need to be prepared. The first thing you need, of course, is a deadly wound. Besides that you need to use specific venoms that prevent a wound from shifting close. The guards were killed with a weapon that was treated with that kind of poison.
“And the poison Trisha was murdered with, how common is that? Is it easy to get?”

It was the head of the minor house Pellicum who answered that. If I remember correctly, this house herds the Escallwyn giant turtles and breeds and feeds the demons. His answer made me suspect they did other things as well.
“The blade poison is rather a common venom. It works locally, on the wound. If she has the time, the victim can shift around it unless the wounds are very numerous or very deadly. The lore of poisons is quite common here and a part of a gentleman’s --or gentle woman’s, of course—“ the man nodded at me, “education.

“But the poison that was used on Monias and Trisha is very rare and very difficult to produce. It is rare, but the Oban is said to possess some, for example. But I don’t think I can say who can make it… There are only two or three ways to find out its composition. You might be able to reverse engineer the recipe but you would have to be a very good poison master and use extensive experimentation. The second way is to acquire the poison or its recipe from the Oban. The latter, or acquiring it from someone you know who has it, will cost you dearly; we are talking about real estate or major services. It is a very powerful weapon, milady.”

Frewar nodded and added:
“In principle it works on any shape shifter. It sends your shape shifting into overdrive until you can’t support your life-functions anymore. Non-shape shifters would hardly be affected, but anyone who has acquired the basic skills would be vulnerable. It would work on you, for instance.”
I frowned, and Frewar went on:
“Or on King Adrian. But it would not work on lord Dorian, as far as we know.”
I didn’t like what I was hearing but I knew I had to know and filed it all away for future reference. You never know when you have to kill a shape shifter yourself. I would need to get a bottle of that no-healing poison too.
“It doesn’t matter how skilled a shifter you are,” Frewar went on, “it won’t help you. Monias was a very good shape shifter too.”

“What are Escallwyn’s most important enemies at the moment that could have access to the poison?” I asked. “No, let’s start with the most important enemies of the house Escallwyn, period.”
“Escallwyn’s enemies?” Thron mused. “Conservative houses, I’d say. They were always against us, and still are. And now Gran is a widower…” he steepled his fingers and looked pensive.
“I don’t think Amblerash would have done it. Jaill Helgram would be more than capable… Houses with big laboratories are suspect of course.” He named a couple of other conservative houses but they were more anti-progressive than anti-Escallwyn.

“The house Thilzy has a big lab,” Illea said, “but it is not a very aggressive house. Perhaps any of the minor houses who want to make it to the Major Council?”
“The other half of the house of Hendrake,” I said, “The ones who didn’t go to Galoria.”
“Yes, the Pardai Hendrakes,” Frewar said, nodding. “The house has proved to be a lot more ruthless than what we are used to from the Hendrakes. Plus, the Hendrakes had scientific ties with Amber during the Patternfall war. But they have other connections with Amber and houses that have those are not likely to be conservative.”

I almost pulled my hair. Had they forgotten that it had been the Pardai Hendrakes who tried to murder Thron in his suite in Thelbane Palace during the fixing of the Logrus? I restrained myself and did not mention it, saving it for later. I had saved both Thron and Frewar’s lives that day, and I wished they would start giving me a little respect for it. But reminding them now would sound pushy. I un-clenched my jaws, took a deep breath and concentrated on the discussion.

Someone had brought up that the only conservative house with an obvious Amber connection was house Ysarn. Ysarn is Murlas’ house. I could not think of any reason why that house would have a score to settle with Escallwyn so I pointed out that anyone who could get in could use a Pattern trump or device to lay a false trail. That sparked off a discussion on the house’s security. They were fairly well defended against Logrus and shapeshifted intruders, but Pattern and Nexus were new. The discussion made them aware of their other weak points. Despite their name and surroundings, Chaosites are far less flexible than Amberites. Castle Amber has had anti-Logrus protection for ages. I remember the time Reys Thurston used Logrus in my room to fetch himself a beer. Fiona came running in thirty seconds later. While the house Escallwyn bickered, I fussed over the baby. She had fallen asleep in my arms. Perhaps later I would design an anti-Pattern defence for the Escallwyns, but I wondered why I bothered. Ah well, the answer to that question was drooling on my sleeve.

“So, those are the enemies of the house Escallwyn,” I said when I had had enough. “Did Trisha have any personal enemies?”
I should not have asked that. Everyone stopped talking at once and all eyes turned to me. The silence was deafening.
“One very important one,” Thron said. “You.”
I took a deep breath.
“I promised Gran I wouldn’t. Yaslin has sworn to me that she did not do it. What other enemies did she have?”
No-one answered.
“I say we try and find out, and try hard. I mean to get personally involved in that, after I have spoken with my sister. But still, what other enemies did she have?”
No-one could give an answer to that, nor could they tell me if her daily routine had changed or who had seen her last.
“She was hugely pregnant,” the head of the house staff said. “She did not have much energy. She spent a lot of time in her room or walking through the ways. She had less visitors, left the house less.”
“Who visited?” I asked.
Some of her family had visited; two nieces had called on her that morning. Gran and his grandfather came by regularly, the rest of the family visited occasionally. I asked for more specifics but that was it.

“But if you want to talk with your sister, I think we can allow it,” Thron said. “Provided one of us is present during the interview. And you may not speak with her in her cell.” I protested, I wanted to talk with her without anyone listening in.
“Why, what have you got to hide?”
“Let us consider this,” I said, “as a confidential conversation between lawyer and client. She might say things that can be used against her.”
“Listen, if she’s guilty, she’s guilty and if she isn’t, she isn’t. Are you on our side or not?” Gran interrupted.
“I know she’s innocent of the murder of Trisha,” I said stiffly.
“Then you have nothing to hide.”

Thron got up, beckoned Gran, and father and son went off to the side to deliberate. I could see they disagreed; they gestured and frequently looked at me. Big deal. When they returned Thron said I could be assured the house was not interested in any other crimes my sister may have committed, as long as they had no bearing on the family. I agreed to their terms.

For me, the meeting about Trisha’s death was not over yet.
“I need to know more,” I said. “What would Escallwyn gain if Yaslin was the murderess?”
“If we have conclusive evidence, “ Alba said, “that if the lady Yaslin is the murderess, that would solve a lot of our problems. The Chartins can make life very difficult for us. They are numerous and they are vindictive. They are also very competent in making… accidents happen.”
I made a mental note to myself not to exclude the Chartins from the list of possible murderers. Perhaps Trisha had been taking steps against her own house, or had refused to abide by their plans.
“So if there was no evidence against Yaslin, who would you suspect next?”
Silence again, and all eyes on me.
I sighed.
“Aside from me.”

I watched them turn the question over in their minds.
Thron as the head of the house tried to stay neutral and separated his feelings from the facts. He liked me but considered me capable of murder. He gave me credit because at the moment there was evidence against Yaslin and none against at me, except for the fact that Yaslin was my sister.
Gran was far less detached. He tried to shield me from the suspicions of this family and he trusted me on one level, but I could see he was unhappy because underneath that, he was not sure I did not kill his wife. Yaslin’s involvement added to his unhappiness because it also pointed at me. The situation made him miserable; he would prefer to have nothing to do with it but Trisha was his wife and the assassination had harmed his daughter. He was involved, and he had brought me to Escallwyn Ways and dragged me into the whole mess himself in a sort of reflex. We both realised that this meant that I was still first in his heart and in his thoughts. And this was the man I wanted to distance myself from?

Yes, I thought, I would have to. His love for me might be real but it drained me and would rob me of my self-respect if I kept giving and never got any trust or emotional support in return. I looked around the table again.
Everyone was grateful for what I did for the baby but it was not enough. They were unsure of my innocence. The Escallwyns and their hangers on gave me the benefit of the doubt but my family’s reputation worked against me. With my exotic powers I could have done Trisha in in ways they could not even imagine. With all the extra contacts and resources I had as an Amberite, I could, in their eyes, easily have acquired the poison. I could have contacts with the Oban. According to rumour, Alexander knew a thing or two about that secret organisation of assassins. My cousin Murlas was also no goodwill ambassador for Amberites in the Courts.

I looked at Frewar. The dandy of the family did not have his brother’s qualms to keep him from suspecting me of arranging Trisha’s death. He, like the others, still liked me as a person and tried to get a handle on his feelings. Did I murder Trisha myself or did Yaslin do it? If so, did she do it for me and did I organise the assassination or was it someone else? Appearances were very much against us.

I asked again for other possible murderers. Once more the name of Ysarn came up. It was a competing house with only a few members. If information could be found that it was they who murdered Trisha…
“Whom would you like to find evidence against?”
Thron said that evidence against Ysarn would be nice but it would have to be convincing. The house Chartin would want to see every stone turned.
“Who else?” I asked but aside from some murmurs nothing else was forthcoming.

When I pressed the murmurers, the head butler gathered his courage and voiced the thoughts the rest of them did not dare to share: that Bleys was still a convicted criminal in the Courts and evidence against him would be believed. I gave him a glare but my heart wasn’t in it. There were other houses that were in danger of extermination because they had only a few members, the house Trevillough for instance.

“We can’t get proof of the Amber connection there,” Gran said. “Okay, their eldest son is two sticks short of a bundle, but they don’t have the connections to get the poison.
“Do you have a bone to pick with Galoria, maybe?” I asked.
Gran had gone to Galoria as an observer when the army from the other reality was on the march.
“There was an… incident when I was there,” Gran said, “something with Murlas, but Escallwyn had nothing to do with that and nothing came of it.”
“What kind of incident?” I said, remembering the accusation Murlas had made towards Alexander at the family meeting, about Galoria not finding his would-be killer.
“Something with an attempted murder?”
“Apparently they thought I was involved in that,” Gran said.
“Murlas has been dropping hints that Alexander is dragging his feet on the investigation. Have you heard more about that?” I asked.
Gran had not.
“Galoria has my trumps at the moment. The deck contains a trump of—“
“—Our main hall in Escallwyn Ways,” Thron interrupted. “But why would Galoria want to kill Trisha?”
That was what I intended to find out. A lack of further ideas put an end to the conference.

. . . _ . . .

The advisors and household staff left in two’s and threes and I was left with Thron, Frewar and Gran.
“Frewar will stay with you while you speak with your sister,” Gran said.
“I promise that whatever comes up,” Frewar added, “I will disregard it unless it has direct bearings on this house or our oath to the Courts. If Yaslin wants to attack the Throne of Chaos I will have to report it. But if she says she intends to kill the king of Amber, that would be interesting but of no concern to us.”
I nodded and started to leave, but Gran stopped me.
“Where are you taking the baby?” he asked. Surprised, I looked down. Gran’s daughter was still sleeping peacefully. Weren’t babies supposed to cry a bit more?
“With me,” I answered.
“Better not,” Gran said and carefully took her from my arms. She woke up and whimpered a bit. There was something else with babies, they cried and they… I smelled something and remembered what it was. Gran saw me sniff and looked down too. Well, he had the baby, he would have to deal with the nappy thing. I was going to see my sister.

By the door I remembered something and turned around.
“Gran, did you think of a name for your daughter yet? Please do, this isn’t working.”
Gran looked flustered and looked down at the baby in his arms. Perhaps he had been too distressed to think about it but I was having trouble calling her ‘baby’ all the time. Besides, what if she died without having a name? The thought was chilling in a way I could not identify.
“Ehm, yes. But naming is a serious matter.” Gran took a deep breath and seemed to come to a conclusion. “We shall organise a name giving ceremony.”
“Do you have a name in mind?”
Gran shook his head and I suppressed a sigh. It would have to wait, then. His brother was waiting for me by the door.

. . . _ . . .

While walking though the corridors of Escallwyn Ways with Frewar, I studied my friend again. His attitude to me had changed and I wondered if it was for the worse. Frewar almost thinks I did murder Trisha, because he would if he had been in my shoes. I sensed more respect in him but also more distance. Being suspected of Trisha’s murder was giving me a reputation of hardboiled ruthlessness. I swallowed another sigh. It used to bother me that Frewar hit on me all the time, but now he had stopped, I found I was missing it. People who try to be philosophical ask you this question: do you think it is better to be feared than to be loved or the other way around. Well, I want to be loved by my friends and feared by my enemies. No, I want to be loved by my friends and be underestimated by my enemies. Frewar was one of my very few friends and it pained me to see his attitude to me so changed.
We made small talk all the way to the conference room and he did not come on to me once.

The sad part of it was that I had more or less forgiven Trisha for what she had done. She was more pathetic than evil. I no longer wanted to kill her, instead I had wanted to show off my renewed self-confidence and my disdain for her. Since my time in the Flying Egg, I had this fantasy.
Someone would hold a glamorous party in Chaos and I would be there, looking absolutely gorgeous, trailing eager suitors. Gran would have brought Trisha, he had to because she was his wife, and I came alone or with a handsome and powerful man on my arm, Reys Thurston perhaps. Scores of men would be hanging around me because I was being kind and witty and fascinating and every man there adored me. When Gran saw how everyone admired like that, he’d become as jealous as ever and start to hover on the edge of my group of admirers. This would of course annoy Trisha no end. In my fantasy she would be hugely pregnant and big as a whale and her face would be hard and ugly because she was unhappy. She would walk up to me and try to drag Gran away from me but she wouldn’t be able to, and instead she’d start to stammer insults at me. At first, I’d ignore her but when she calls me a whore, people fall silent. In the silence, I would turn to her, look her up and down --taking in her swollen belly--, and calmly say:
“My dear, who is the one who sold her body?”
The room would rock with laughter and Trisha would shuffle away in shame.
And now she was dead and there was no way I could make people see what a bitch she was!

Frewar and I crossed an ivory bridge that spanned a mile-deep, six feet wide gorge, went through a gate of folded paper and came to an ordinary looking door. Frewar took a key from his belt and opened the door for me. The room behind looked like a cross between a Greek temple and a pavilion: high marble pillars supported a white marble roof and all four directions offered a view of rustic meadows. A couple of wooden chairs stood to my left, that was all the furniture there was. The door hung in space and, curious, I went to the pillars to see if the view was an illusion.
“They are walls,” Frewar said when I stretched out my hand and felt resistance. “This is a very flat, very dense shadow that has been stretched and altered in the middle to make place for this room.”
Satisfied, I drew back. It was a very pleasant place, with sunshine all around and a warm and fragrant breeze sweeping this way and that under the roof. We turned to the door when it opened and Yaslin was let in.

She looked good: her clothes were clean and her red-brown hair combed and tied back. The Escallwyns had given her more than bread to eat and straw to sleep on. She stood stiffly beside the door and glared at Frewar, then relaxed when he stepped aside and she saw me.

“Get me out of here Boadice! You know these people, don’t you?” She took a couple of steps towards me.
“Do you know why you are here?” I asked.
“No, I don’t have the foggiest why I’m here. They say I murdered Trisha but I didn’t, you know that.”
“Trisha, Gran’s wife, was pregnant with his child. She was murdered in the same way as Monias.”
“Gosh. Ehm, coincidence…?” Yaslin cast a sideways glance at Frewar, who had taken one of the chairs and sat down by the eastern ‘wall’. “What have I got to do with that?”
“How did you get the poison?”
“What poison?”
I took her to the other side of the room. Frewar would shift his ears to be more sensitive so he could still hear what we said, but Yaslin did not know much about shape shifting and would assume we had some privacy.

“Why do you ask with that man here?”
“He won’t tell—“, I said.
“And you believe that?”
“—as long as it’s about Monias.”
“How do you know he—“
“I know how these Escallwyns work, okay?”
“But I have things to finish! Adrian still walks around free—“
“And you murdered Monias, who was conducting peace talks!” I was getting angry. “Aren’t you aware of that?”

My sister arched her brows and attempted to show disinterest.
“That was a pity. He was in the way, he shouldn’t have been sitting there, he should not have been associating with a villain like Adrian.”
I grabbed her coat.
“You listen to me! You killed an innocent man, don’t you have a conscience?”
“He was a king, he was not innocent!”
I threw her against a pillar and she patiently let me.
“He had a lover, he had a child! You try to avenge Treon and you kill someone only because he was in your way. Have you no shame at all?”
“That is different!” Yaslin shouted, her patience gone.
From the corner of my eye I saw Frewar cringe with his hands over his ears.

“It’s not different at all! What will you do when Felicia sets out to get you? She has as much right to kill you as you think you have of taking your revenge on Adrian.”
“It was an accident!” Yaslin said. “And besides, now they can found a democracy in Galoria.”
I just couldn’t handle this! I was dimly aware that I was doing and saying all the wrong things but somehow I could not stop shouting.

“That is none of your business! If they want a democracy there, they have to make one themselves. You killed that man—“
“I gave them the opportunity! The tyrant is gone, not they can let the people rule.”
“Monias was in Sherwyn to start peace negotiations with Adrian! If there is a war, it will be your fault.”
“They are all in it together,” Yaslin said scornfully. “Elayne explained to me how it works, and…” She fell silent.
“Elayne?”
That little cousin had not been present when the family gathered to decide Brand’s fate. I also remembered her contrary behaviour at Monias’ coronation party. Yes, she could very well be up to her ears in the Amber Democratic Movement, and Yaslin had just given her away. In silence, my sister and I considered her slip-of-the-tongue.

“Yaslin, who gave you that poison?”
“What poison.”
Softly, too quiet for Frewar’s damaged ears, I said:
“The poison you killed Monias with when you set out to kill Adrian.” I knew Monias was not dead, Adrian had told me so, but for the moment I needed my sister to feel guilty. Instead, she just looked surly.
“They were just very good bolts…”
“Where did you get them?’
“… You don’t need to know.”
“I DO need to know!” I exploded. “It is very important! Have you any idea of what you have done? You killed Monias! What will you do when Myrthe comes to avenge her father?”
“I am a saviour of the people!”
“You murdered a man!”
“Because it was necessary.”
“He was in your way, you told me so. What kind of a heartless creature have you become? He has a daughter, she is almost an orphan now.”

“Boadice, don’t you get it?” Yaslin started to pace. “He was an oppressor. Sometimes you have to sacrifice someone to help a lot of others.“
“And you think you helped? There will be a war, the Enemy from Outside will trample this reality to dust and it will be your fault because you messed up the peace talks.”
“What war, what are you talking about?”
“Did you pay no attention at all? A gigantic army from outside this reality has been marching right through shadow—“
“That’s propaganda, you shouldn’t believe it!”
“I have seen it!”

In fact, I had not seen it but I had read reliable reports and could find the area if I wanted to.

“The real war,” Yaslin said, calmer, “is between the people and the tyrants. That is the true war.”
“You don’t think of the people. By killing Monias you have done ‘the people’ a very bad turn. And besides, maybe he was a tyrant but he was a man, and you have killed him.”
“I…“ she stammered. “A tyrant, I have saved the people from a tyrant, you should see it like that. I didn’t even mean it, I meant to get the other one but it does not matter, the outcome is the same.”
“Try to put yourself in Myrthe’s shoes,” I said. “She has lost her father.”

Yaslin’s fanaticism worried me intensely. This disregard for life based on a vague idea of ‘the greater good’, I had seen it before and it is the first step towards great evil. She was rationalising her mistake and she wasn’t even doing it well. Soon she would stop trying to find excuses for what she did and decide she had the right to kill if she wanted to. She did have that right, any Amberite can do whatever she wants, but you have to take responsibility for your actions and deal with the consequences or else you are no better than a beast. I know, I have been there, went all the way, and out the other side. I don’t lie to myself about my mistakes.

“Myrthe could have joined us,” Yaslin said. She didn’t. So she shares the blame.”
“You gave her the opportunity to join?”
“I can’t say too much about our members…”
“Be serious, have you offered her—“
“She has been approached. She wasn’t interested. So that was clear, she chose the side of the tyrants.”
I rubbed my eyes.
“Yaslin, we are not talking about abstract concepts, we are talking about people.”
“Do you still think that the life of a king is worth more than that of another man?”

Yaslin put her hands on my shoulders. “Boadice?”
I took her hands from my shoulders and held them in mine.
“Let me put it differently. Say that you, by your death, by your sacrifice, could save an entire kingdom from ruin. What would you do?”
Yaslin said that she would give her life for that cause.
I asked her what she would do if it were two kingdoms, and what would she do if her sacrifice could prevent a war between Galoria and Sherwyn.

Yaslin snorted.
“That’s all propaganda. I would give my life to bring power to the people, yes! But not to fight these little propaganda-wars.”
“No, listen to me,” I objected. “What if, because Monias was murdered, Sherwyn and Galoria went to war. Millions of innocent people would die—“
“Of course that should not happen—“
“Yes, and what would you do to stop it?”
Yaslin crossed her arms and lifted her chin.
“I intend to claim the death of Monias for the Movement, then they won’t have to blame anyone else, we never meant for that to happen. But I also intend to keep on working for the cause, so of course we won’t while I can still be caught.”
“Listen to me!” I insisted. “We are talking about preventing a war between those countries!”
“Yes, I will claim the attack, don’t worry Boadice. I know my responsibilities.”

Responsibilities, right!
“What if the only way to prevent the war is not just for you to claim the attack but to give yourself up? As the murderess?”
“I won’t deliver myself into the hands of that tyrant!” Yaslin turned away from me.
“But what if it is the only way to prevent that war? Alexander has been making demands. If the king of Sherwyn does not give him Monias’ murderer soon, bad things will happen between the two powers.”
“That’s bullshit Boadice! It’s ridiculous, what you’re saying. It is not the only way and I won’t let myself be out-talked by you. I know you, you like being on top, to be one of the ruling class!”

That shook me a little. Of course I did.
“I want safety and prosperity for as many people as possible.”
“O, of course, and that will happen best when you are in power and others are not.”
This shook me even more. That Yaslin would question something this basic to society, to my nature… I know democracy and other forms of government occasionally work out, but only in their own place and time. To rule a large body of land, you need someone who is born and bred to it. Sometimes rulers are born to power they are not suited for, but it is the responsibility of the parents to raise their children to be suitable successors. Sure, being a member of the ruling class gave me power and influence and let me live in the lap of luxury, and I like it that way. But I also take on the duties, obligations and burdens that go with it. I work hard to bring prosperity to my dukedom, I take abuse and insult from my king in the service of Amber and risk life and limb here in Chaos to preserve this reality. And perhaps, ultimately, I must sacrifice my only sister –whom I love dearly— to a vengeful Galoria to keep it from tearing this reality apart. You can’t ask that of a peasant. Noblesse oblige.

“Are you prepared to bring peace and prosperity by installing a democracy in Amber?”
Yaslin had interrupted my thoughts, and feebly I answered:
“If a democracy would work best at that time…”
“Well, a democracy doesn’t happen all by itself Boadice. You shouldn’t be so naïve.”

Naïve…? Me?
“Democracy, I have seen it! I have seen a hundred of forms of government in hundreds and hundreds of shadows. A democracy only works if people can see the people they vote for. So it works in a tribe or maybe in a city state but then only if you can fit the number of people who are allowed to vote into one amphitheatre! No-one votes for a man they can’t hear give a speech. So it won’t work on the level of Amber or Galoria because those kingdoms are too large!”

“Amber can rule itself,” Yaslin said. “All those Golden Circle states can govern themselves. That would work fine, why does Amber need to have a say in it, why?”
“Yaslin, a democracy would not work in Amber.”
“They have the right to freedom, to self-government. Do you know how many Golden Circle states would like to be free of the yoke of Amber? And the people—“ she hit a pillar with her fist, “will rise up with us! Against Amber. And that day is closer than you think, Boadice!”
I bowed my head.
“Treon has been putting these ideas in your head.”
“Yes. Treon knew a lot about these sort of things.”
“Treon was a spy for Amber.”

Yaslin froze. Her face went pale, and with rigid self-control she said:
“I will say this only once, Boadice. This sort of ridiculous propaganda… You say it one more time and I will strike you down.”
“I won’t mention it again until I have evidence.”
We stood still for a moment, breathing heavily and gathering our thoughts. I was trying to save her, to keep her from being turned over to the house Chartin, to protect her from herself and those who would use her, and I was failing miserably.
“To get back to Trisha, you didn’t—“
“I don’t even know the woman! Well…” she piped down a bit, “I know how you… didn’t like her that much. And that’s all I know. I have never been here before.”
“Would you swear this—“
Yaslin turned to where Frewar was sitting and marched up to him. He remained seated and my sister put her hands on her knees to bring herself level with his face.
“I don’t know the woman. I didn’t kill her, okay? I spoke loud enough just yet to let you know exactly what I did do, and I stand for that. Now you know what kind of person I am, right? And I did what I did but I didn’t do that. Satisfied?”
She straightened up, turned on her heels and marched back to me.

This could do it, this might convince Frewar I did not use my sister to murder Trisha. Gran’s brother had kept his face expressionless during Yaslin’s outburst but he had listened to her and would sincerity consider what he had seen and heard. Now for the details.
“Yaslin,” I said when she had come near, “I will need to know where you got the poison for Monias.”
“I can’t say,” she said.
“It could set you free, it could plead for you—“
“I don’t need it to free me—“
“Yes you do!”
“--from responsibility for Monias’ death.”
“That’s not what I mean. You are accused of the murder of Trisha Chartin. I have given you the facts. My sister, if you don’t take care you will be convicted and executed for it and then nothing will come of your quest.”

Yaslin shook her head and her curls whispered.
“I can’t just tell you. Maybe… later. But not now.”
“No, that’s not good enough. I need to know. Honey, you are this close to being convicted for Trisha’s murder and I can’t get you out of here.”
“What is that woman… I told you I didn’t…” Yaslin pressed her fists against her temples. “I would have wanted to help you, I told you so, but you didn’t tell me so I didn’t...”
“Thank you,” I said. In her own incoherent way she was trying to free me of blame.
“There are other clues that point at you and me. One of them is the poison that was used. Tell me where you got it from.”
Yaslin sighed.
“I… From a good supplier...”
“Tell me where you got it. Please.”
She squirmed.
“One of our members has… connections.”
“Who has connections?”
“I can’t give you names, I can’t do that. We have our rules too. One of our members has important connections in the Courts of Chaos.”
Somehow, I was not surprised. Of course the organisation was infiltrated by everyone and his auntie.
“We are talking about the members of the Amber Democratic Movement, right?”
“Yes,” Yaslin said with pride. “But it’s more than just Amber now. We are the, ehm, Multi Democratic Movement by now.”
“So you have become active, where?”
“Come on Boadice, you know I can’t tell you that. It involves others too. We shall do your shadows last.”

“Have you seen a democratically governed land in real life?”
“No,” she said, “But I know all about it.”
“From who?”
“Well…” she dropped her voice, “I can’t give you a name…”
“Literature?”
“That too.”
“Have you thought of seeking something like that in shadow to study it?”
“I have looked around.”
“So you did see it in shadow.”
“I have been there, yes!”
I lost my patience. She wasn’t making sense. “Did you or didn’t you visit a shadow where they had a democracy?”
“Yes I did!”
“So was it on a tribal level or in a city state—“
“They were quite prosperous and the people had a say in a lot of things. And they weren’t oppressed like they are here.”
“And could they see the one they voted for?”
I could imagine a sham democracy where the people in power kept up the illusion of a democratic system while the population was happy and not too critical because they were prosperous enough not to desire change.

“I didn’t stay that long!” Yaslin exclaimed. She had started pacing again. “They had these cupboards through which they could see a lot of things.”
“Like a crystal ball, magic to communicate over a distance?”
“Yes.”
“We don’t have those things in Amber.”
“Why don’t people have those things in Amber! That’s what you must ask yourself! Have you thought about that?”
“I have thought about it,” I admitted. “The population of Amber doesn’t have these things because the skills of the people and magic of the place are insufficient or unsuitable.”
“Ahah!” Yaslin was gesturing broadly and did not look at me. Instead, she stared in the distance.
“I know exactly why we don’t have things like that in Amber. The magic and the technology are there. No, it is not in the interests of the ruling class that the people learn to communicate. Yes, the royal Family can, because they have their trumps but the common people don’t. That could be very dangerous, if they learned to speak with each other over a distance they could accomplish a lot more! Have you thought about that?” She looked at me again. “Sometimes you can be so naïve.”

I laughed out loud. I could not stop myself, and kept on laughing until I felt I was going to cry.
“We must talk about this some other time.” I said when I managed to get control of myself.
“But think about what I said. Monias was a person, not a… concept.”
“He was not on top of our list,” Yaslin said. “But I can’t say I’m sorry.”
I went over to Frewar, who glanced at his pocket watch and got up to fetch the guards. Soon, I was alone.

. . . _ . . .

I sat down on one of the chairs. This was bad, this was really bad. I had always known that Yaslin was not guilty of the murder of Trisha but the extent of her involvement in the Amber Democratic Movement (or the General Democratic Movement, A.D.M., G.D.M., whatever) was more than worrying. Of course the organisation has been infiltrated by several groups, I know Amber kept tabs on the movement through Treon, and now he was dead Random probably has other sources. But was it as powerful as Yaslin thought it was? No, I had to look at this from the bottom up.

Trisha has been murdered in the same way in which Yaslin almost killed Monias. This could have been done by an enemy of the house Escallwyn, one of Trisha’s enemies or by one of mine, just to make my life more difficult. It is difficult to get the poison that had slain Trisha and, almost, Monias, but not impossible. The way Monias was assassinated appears to be general knowledge. Anyone who wanted the rather weak Escallwyn family out of the picture would want to kill Trisha and her unborn child, thus depriving the family of its hope for the future. Leaving hints that pointed at me and my sister would ensure that the Escallwyns had a harder time dealing with it. And with a bit of luck, the Chartins would finish the job as a revenge for the death of their daughter.

Even the Chartins themselves could have done it, for their own inscrutable reasons. Trisha could have crossed them and they always had a bone to pick with me. Then there was Galoria: they had my trump deck, that deck included a trump of the Escallwyn central hall. Galoria didn’t like me. But they had other problems so I didn’t think they did it. No, there was something larger behind it all. Perhaps the Enemy from Outside was copying what Galoran had been doing before he installed the Nexus; namely creating confusion and internal strife so their enemies were too busy to discover or oppose them. The Democratic Movement was a great opportunity for murder and mayhem; just sow the seeds of discord and let human nature take its course. Wars and civil wars flare up, capable leaders are assassinated and valuable resources are wasted. All of that would be nothing but good news for a foreign invader.

I would need to go to Amber and get copies of the rapports Treon wrote about the Democratic Movement. It would help loosen the ties between Yaslin and the Movement, and perhaps teach her that life is neither simple nor fair. It would also help if I could show her evidence of the destruction the Army from Outside caused. That would show her why I was so worried about the state of the universe in general.

But why would the enemy from outside murder a pregnant Trisha Escallwyn? Could it have to do with me? Could they have given the A.D.M. the poison to attack Adrian? Maybe their assassin trumped to Escallwyn Ways to kill Trisha so that…, what? They could guess Gran would get me involved, and I would have to deal with the situation and… I would not get on with my other duties, which were… working for Ornach, finding his missing children. Yes, that would fit. According to Malachie, the enemy from outside was mainly after Ornach, and I work for Ornach. According to Random, finding Ornach’s children and returning them to him would make Ornach stronger. But maybe I should not return those children to him, Random is right; they are dangerous. But so is the Enemy from Outside. What to do?

First, I should continue my search for the black-and-white trump. Finding it and finding what’s-her-name who was imprisoned in it did not mean Ornach got his daughter back. I decided I would do anything I could to get her to fight for this reality instead of for her father. If I was a man I could seduce her. Not that she might not be bi- or homosexual… In any case, it would be useful to have Rinaldo with me when I entered the trump. I also would like to learn the secret of those black-and-white trumps, maybe learn to make them myself, if I could…

I got up and started to pace. Speculating about the possible motives of the Enemy from Outside was not going to help me, Yaslin or the Escallwyns solve our problems here and now. Someone would have to hang for the murder, and I would rather it was someone I disliked. I would need to find the perpetrator, or else find a scapegoat believable enough to satisfy the Chartins’ lust for revenge and assure the rest of the Courts of the strength of the Escallwyn family. Bugger! The Escallwyns would need to find someone like that, but the trouble is that they already had my sister. Amber would not stand up for her, Bleys was a convicted criminal and I had little or no political influence.

I would need to handle this myself. The investigation into the circumstances of Trisha’s assassination had been handled clumsily, I’d have to do them over. I’d start with rummaging through Trisha’s personal stuff. I would bet my horse that she had had her finger in some dirty business of her own, and that was where I was going to find my scapegoat. Finding those clues and the scapegoat would take time, and a great deal of luck… As an afterthought, I took the trumps of Alexander and Murlas from my new trump deck and put them in my sleeves against my wrists. Now I could spy on their trump calls again. I would also need to get some of that anti-wound-closing poison.

Then I had another thought. The way Gran’s daughter had changed colour when she was fighting the poison reminded me of the way in which the little roses changed when Mylor the research magician fed them his green goo. Could it be… Could it be that the nutty sorcerer was using a version of The Ultimate Poison to teach plants to shapeshift? It could be.
I imagined the old man in his laboratory, explaining:
“Of course the stuff is dangerous, girl. Take care not to get anything on your hands or in your eye, that’s a dear. But don’t worry, I put it away in a very safe place. There it is, on the top shelf. Labelled ‘poison’. So you know to be careful.”
I would have to pay lord Mylor another visit. Even if his green goo was not the poison I was looking for, it did nice things to climbing ivy.

There is was one other little ray of hope. When the Escallwyns and I fought for the baby’s life, we learned how to save the life of one poisoned with that particular venom. As far as I know, this was quite a feat. It is not surprising that it has not been done before: we used a combination of Pattern and Chaos sorcery and a lot of my blood. Maybe we could use this knowledge to save Monias’ life? The king of Galoria was not dead yet when Galoran took him away from Sherwyn. Perhaps I could approach Myrthe, (not Alexander; he would not listen and besides he had everything to lose if Monias recovered) and offer to bring her father back to life, in exchange for leniency for Yaslin? It could be worth a try.

. . . _ . . .

To be continued…

   home